I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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