Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the day after is always just damage control
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
