It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
