soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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