The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
