I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm passing your future prison.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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