These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
