come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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