I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
