She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
