He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
