I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
