oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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