Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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