I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
