There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
