Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
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I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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