Just cropdusted the office
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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