Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we made out on top of his cat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
