Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
there was a trapeze. enough said
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My vagina just clenched in fear
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
