: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize