Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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