Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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