so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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