i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
