Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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