The maid of honor just puked.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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