Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
