the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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