I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
