shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
