my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
