Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
