ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
