i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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