Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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