hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
