I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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