3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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