I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
