I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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