her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
