Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
