You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
