My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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