He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
