i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
