Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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