Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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