walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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