I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
