fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
