and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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