You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
