Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
