He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
