is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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