Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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