she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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