OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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