That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
